


This Time Around

by tillyenna



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: 2020 NHL Playoffs Bubble, M/M, hurt comfort, post loss cuddles, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:07:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25989466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tillyenna/pseuds/tillyenna
Summary: Ugh, I knew they weren't going to get far, but it hurt when they lost this series. So I wrote some soft jonny/pat cuddlesCanon compliant.
Relationships: Patrick Kane/Jonathan Toews
Comments: 18
Kudos: 99





	This Time Around

The soft knock on Jonny’s door is unexpected, but if he’d been less exhausted, maybe it wouldn’t have been.

“Hey,” he says upon opening the door to reveal Patrick, already dressed for sleep in a pair of soft old worn sweats and bizarrely one of Jonny’s Shattuck T-shirts, which had probably fitted Patrick at the point he’d stolen it, but was now stretched across his shoulders.

“Hey,” Patrick sighs tiredly, stepping past Jonny to go into his room.

Jonny pauses for a moment, because he’d never invited Patrick in, but wasn’t that just them all over. He turned and watched as his old friend walked across the room and climbed into Jonny’s bed, and he suddenly realised why Patrick was there. They hadn’t done this in years, not since they were rookies, barely more than children. Getting kicked out of the playoffs hurt like nothing else, and their first year, Pat Sharp had told them in no uncertain terms that they were sleeping in the same bed, and Duncs and Seabs had come into their double room and curled up together on the other bed, forcing Jonny and Pat together. Still, it had been a while, because these days they were more likely to go home to their girlfriends, or at least back to the hotel with their girlfriends, which isn’t an option in the bubble, not that it would be an option for Jonny either way.

Patrick seems to notice that Jonny’s frozen in the doorway, “Is this ok?” He asks tentatively, “Because I know it’s stupid, but the last time I slept on my own after a series loss was…” he trails off, and Jonny suddenly knows exactly when it was. 2012.

“Yeah, no,” Jonny sighs, “It’s fine. Just…” he waves his hand, “I’m tired and spaced out for a bit.” He shakes his head, trying to clear his thoughts, and pads back over to the other side of the bed, climbing back in beside Patrick. “Did you check on the kids?”

“Yep,” Patrick offers a tired smile, “Put Dachy and Boqs in together, and Nylander, Carls, Quenny and Highmore are all in one room. I saw Stromer go into Binksy’s room, but they didn’t answer the door so I’m not thinking about that.”

Jonny can’t help the laugh that escapes, “Otters,” he says with a fond smile, “They’ve probably got some weird sex tradition about losses.” He pauses, “What about Kuby?” He’s older, but he’s still one of their rookies.

“He’s in with Koeks,” Patrick tells him, “And Crows got Subby, I did check on everyone, and nobody’s on their own Taze.” He’s chiding him gently, reminding him that he’s just as good at looking after the rookies as Jonny is.

“Duncs?” Jonny asks softly, because he doesn’t want to think about how Duncan is handling this, without Brent there.

“He’s in the other bed in Adam and Kirby’s room,” Patrick gives a soft laugh, “He says he’s too old and sore to not want the space, but he wanted to keep an eye on them.”

“Good.” Jonny sighs, feeling a sense of relief, “Good.”

“Our babies are fine Taze,” Patrick says sternly, “Now come cuddle me.”

Jonny shakes his head, but flicks the light of and slides fully down into the bed, wrapping his arms around Patrick’s middle and pulling him close until they’re pressed together, Patrick’s back against his front. It’s familiar and strange all at the same time, because Patrick’s a lot broader than he used to be, he doesn’t fit in Jonny’s arms quite as neatly, but when he presses his nose behind Patrick’s ear and inhales it smells like he always does, familiar, safe.

“Sorry.” Jonny says eventually, “Sorry we couldn’t do it.”

“Hey,” Patrick laces their fingers together and squeezes his hand, “We were never going to do it this year Jon, it’s incredible that we made it this far.”

“I know,” Jonny can’t help but sniff slightly, “I just…”

“Don’t get me wrong,” Patrick grins over his shoulder at him, “I wanted it just as much as I always do, but our boys are babies.”

“So were we.” Jonny reminds him softly, because they were when they’d first managed it. God, at the time they’d thought themselves the height of maturity, and now, with these rookies, he can only imagine. “Hey,” he noses the back of Patrick’s neck, “Can you imagine how you’d feel if they made Boqs or Dachy Captain.”

“Jesus,” Patrick exclaims, “How did the vets not fucking kill you Taze.” He flicks a sly smirk over his shoulder, “They’re both infinitely less irritating than you were.”

“Yeah?” Jonny teases back, “At least we don’t have a smug know it all rookie to contend with.”

“Eh,” Patrick shrugs, “Stromer’s doing a good job.” It’s no secret that Patrick’s taken Dylan under his wing as his rookie, even though he’s not technically a rookie.

“He’s less of an arrogant ass than you were though.” Jonny points out.

Patrick wriggles around so he’s lying on his back, Jonny’s head shifting so it’s on his shoulder, “When did we get so fucking old Taze?”

Jonny groans, “I don’t know,” he says fondly, but he can’t resist reaching up to trace Patrick’s hairline in a silent chirp. He gets his hand batted away in response, and then Patrick lacing their fingers back together.

“Even with the losses,” Patrick says quietly, staring up into the dark, “I’m glad I’ve got to do it all with you.”

Jonny nods, looking up at Patrick’s face, visible this close, even in the dark, and suddenly he’s thrown back to the last time they did this, 2012, when he’d been so fucking stupid, and Patrick had stormed out of the room, and everything had fallen apart. “I’m sorry,” he breathes softly.

“Already said Taze…” Patrick starts, but Jonny cuts him off again.

“For 2012.” He says, “I’m sorry for putting that on you, and making you feel…”

“Hey.” Patrick twists round so he’s facing Jonny, pressing their foreheads together, “You don’t get to be sorry for that ok?”

Jonny can feel the tears welling up in his eyes, and he doesn’t want to cry, but at the same time, he knows it’s coming anyway, “I just…” he squeezes Patrick’s hand, “I’m so fucking glad that me thinking with my dick didn’t fuck up our friendship.”

Patrick laughs, soft and fond, “I was under the impression you were thinking more with your heart than your dick Taze,” he says.

Jonny closes his eyes, because he can’t cope with looking at Patrick this close, not like this, and nods.

“It’s not that I didn’t love you,” Patrick says softly, his thumb reaching out to trace across Jonny’s cheekbone.

“I know.” Jonny says softly, “I know it’s about more than that, and I was stupid to ever think we could have it all.”

There’s silence for a moment, and then Patricks voice, which sounds as close to tears as Jonny is, “Not stupid Jon, not stupid.”

Jonny blinks his eyes open, tears spilling past his lashes. “Still,” he gives a wry smile. “Foolish perhaps, naïve.”

“Definitely naïve,” Patrick agrees, “The world wouldn’t have been able to handle it, and I couldn’t have handled being a secret, and I don’t think you could either.”

Jonny nods, because Patrick’s right, and it might have taken him a few months to realise it, but he’s had years now, that was eight years ago, and he’s come to realise during that time that Patrick was completely right, as always. The world wasn’t ready for gay hockey players in 2012. He knows he shouldn’t ask, but he cant help himself, and really, it’s not completely a selfish question, because part of him is thinking about their babies “Do you think the world has changed?”

“No,” Patrick says softly, “Look at Strome and Debrincat.”

Jonny bites his lip, fighting back the tears that are threatening to start again, because Patrick’s right, again, Alex and Dylan aren’t particularly subtle, with the way they hold hands and pass it off as ‘tradition from juniors’ but they both have girlfriends, hell, Alex is engaged. He’s so deep in his own thoughts that he almost doesn’t hear Patrick speak.

“Maybe we have though.”

Jonny frowns, “What do you mean?”

“It’s just,” Patrick gives a little sigh, “We’re older, wiser, more private than we ever were when we were kids, and yeah I don’t think the world is ready for a pair of hockey players in a relationship, but I also think we could totally pull off the grumpy bachelors who live together because nobody else can cope with them.”

Jonny can’t help the huff of laughter that escapes, “You’ve thought about it.” He says eventually.

Patrick gives a shrug, “I mean,” he leans his head against Jonny’s shoulder, “It’s been 12 fucking years Jonny and I haven’t stopped loving you, not for one day.”

“I know.” Jonny squeezes their hands together, “And for what it’s worth, neither have I.”

“We wouldn’t be able to tell anyone though,” Patrick warns him, “Not the kids, not Duncs and Seabs.”

“Sharpy’ll guess.” Jonny points out, “You know what he’s like.”

“Eh,” Patrick grins, “Sharpy can speculate all he wants, he’s been speculating for years.”

“What about our families?” Jonny can’t help but ask, because that’s a fucking sticking point for him, he couldn’t cope with the idea of keeping this from his parents.

“Yours sure.” Patrick’s smile is tired, “Maybe my mom and my sisters.” He doesn’t mention his dad, they’re both aware enough of Pat Kane Srs opinions on homosexual relationships.

“Ok,” Jonny says, and then, stronger, more confident, “Ok.”

“Wanna do this?” Patrick rolls over so he’s propped up on one elbow, staring at Jonny, his eyes full of love.

“One condition.” Jonny says sternly, “I need you to kiss me, not the other way around.” At Patrick’s quirked eyebrow he elaborates, “Look, ok, last time I kissed you, you ran away and then our worlds fell apart.”

“Fair.” Patrick huffs, reaching up a hand to stroke a thumb across Jonny’s cheekbone, and then he leans in, and impossibly softly, captures Jonny’s lips in a kiss.

It’s perfect. Last time they’d done this, Jonny had moved so quickly, he’d slammed their mouths together and Patrick had yelled in surprise and jumped away, but they’d been barely more than children with a world at their feet that was ready to love them one second, and bray for their blood the next. This time round they’re older, perhaps a little more tired too, but definitely wiser, and sure, it’s not going to be easy, it was never going to be easy, but this time round they might be strong enough to make it happen.

“Love you,” Jonny mumbles against Patrick’s mouth.

“Love you too,” Patrick grins, and punctuates his words with another kiss, “Always have.”

**Author's Note:**

> come visit me at [@princesstillyenna](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/princesstillyenna)
> 
> My dash is currently full of sad blackhawks content


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